1. A little queen
2. A solid basis
3. Number two – what to do?
4. Diametrically different
5. The big five characteristics
6. I need to be perfect
7. Friends for life
8. Work with a purpose
9. True love
10. Your own eldest daughter
11.The family dance continues
Appendix
Work forms Elder Daughter Day
1. Drawing the family ties
2. Crucial choices
3. The eldest-daughter moment
4. Typical qualities
Literature
Test your insight in the effects of birth-position
Lisette Schuitemaker has long observed similarities between herself and other eldest daughters. After a career in communications, she obtained a BSc in Brennan Healing Science, ran a private practice as a life-coach and now combines her psychological and writing experience to write self-help books. Wies Enthoven is a writer, journalist and teacher. Her focus is always on the narrative people tell her. How do they look at themselves? What is their life story? Being an eldest daughter, she discovered how much women in this position have in common. For more information see: http://oudstedochtereffect.nl
"I am an author, writing coach and publisher, and an eldest
daughter; my business partner is the youngest brother of three
sisters. After reading The Eldest Daughter Effect I understood
exactly how our relationship worked, its positives and negatives. I
was amazed to find what a typical eldest daughter I am, and that so
much of my attitudes and behaviour are coloured by this factor. The
book has led me to have endless, fascinating conversations with
others I can now easily identify as eldest daughters -- and I will
be recommending it to all of them. If you are an eldest daughter,
you MUST read this book!"
*Lucy McCarraher, author and managing editor, Rethink Press*
"Like looking at a reflection in the mirror--shrewdly discerning
and comically accurate. This book uncovers the mysteries of why we
eldest daughters are who we are. Valuable for those seeking insight
into the eldest daughters in their lives. Even better for eldest
daughters trying to understand their own profound sense of
responsibility, expeditiousness, and perfectionism."
*Holly Ruhl, Ph.D. Early Childhood Psychologist*
"The Eldest Daughter Effect is a page turner. I couldn' t put it
down and raced through it in one go!! Now I want to share the book
with all my good friends - who of course are eldest daughters
themselves - my walking buddy, my step daughter and many
professional colleagues. The five qualities of Eldest Daughters
(responsible, dedicated, expeditious, thoughtful, caring) even
emerged as key descriptors of me in the systemic constellation
inquiries I have done with my community of practice - so I affirm
these research discoveries. I am indebted to Lisette and Wies for
their insights, so beautifully captured in lively vignettes and
flowing prose that offer a truly rewarding read. Brava!!!!"
*Marilyn Hamilton, Eldest Daughter; Author of Integral City*
"Using the Grounded Theory research method, these authors set out
to discover whatever they could about first born women. They ended
up with five common traits (responsible, dutiful, hands on,
thoughtful, and caring) shared by eldest daughters. Both eldest
daughters themselves, they found that the insight gained from their
discoveries was extremely helpful. They are sharing the paradigm
which they developed from their research with readers, hoping that
the information will prove useful to them as well. More than just
broad strokes, Schuitemaker and Enthoven get down to the nitty
gritty, covering topics like the 'Functional Eldest Daughter', the
first four years, the danger of wanting to be perfect,
unrealistically high expectations of the first born, effects of
undivided attention, why eldest daughters tend to be smarter,
'Dethronement', 'Impostor Syndrome', the undervalued role of the
father, and the inseparable connection to those the eldest grew up
with. I am an eldest daughter and I found this book to be both
enlightening and liberating. Written as much for siblings of the
eldest as for the eldest themselves, this is a highly detailed
analysis of this particular family dynamic. It offers exercises so
the reader can self-evaluate in order to apply the information to
themselves. Clearly written and relevant, it’s a valuable resource
for parents as well as adult eldest daughters and their confused
siblings."
*Anna Jedrziewski, Retailing Insight*
“I found it a fascinating and educative read which made me think
about my own eldest daughter characteristics. Talking of it with my
daughter, my daughter-in-law, my grand- daughter, my
granddaughter-in-law and even my grandson, all felt suddenly united
in a new understanding of their place in the family.”
*Dame Gillian Wagner, PhD, author, former chair of Barnardo’s and
Carnegie UK Trust*
“This book is impressive both because it is grounded in numerous
scientific studies on family constellations and behavior and
because it offers a portal through which each of us -- no matter
where we are in our family systems -- can better under- stand the
influence of our birth order on who we become.”
*Jim Garrison, PhD, author, founder and president, Ubiquity
University*
"Lisette Schuitemaker discusses the characteristics and possible
advantages or challenges of being an eldest daughter, and also how
the birth order of a child influences their developing view of
themselves and the world. READ THIS BOOK to discover some of the
qualities that distinguish the first born, which include an
extraordinary sense of responsibility, a tendency to take the lead,
a fear of making mistakes, being hit hard by criticism and caring
for others to the point of exhaustion. First-born children
sometimes have an innate intelligence and do better at school than
their younger siblings and often become accomplished leaders in
whatever field they chose to go onto. We also will discover the
characteristics of the second child and middle child, and how they
also develop qualities which help the family to be more united.
Each child offers special advantages for the family unit. Some of
the eldest daughters discussed in this book are, Sheryl Sandberg,
Lady Gaga, Whoopy Goldberg, and Meryl Streep. A good read for
eldest children and parents wishing to know more about the
uniqueness of their children, and also for understanding that the
family is a unit where everyone finds the space to express
themselves."
*Sheryl Glick, host of Healing from Within*
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