Table of Contents

Introduction
 
 MSM
 Democracy Diet
 
 I Want My Gay TV
 
 We’re Back in Kansas, Toto
 
 The Passion of the Penguins
 
 Why You’ll Never Hear “Heeeeeeere’s Katie!”
 
 Hikikomori
 
 Mashups and Me
 
 He-Who
 
 The Body Politic
 
 Hairspray
 
 Dog Days of Summer
 
 See Alice?
 
 Crabby Putinesca
 
 Sister Friends
 Feeling Potlucky
 
 King of My Heart
 
 Desperate Housewiles
 
 Tant P.U.
 
 Kiss My Benchmark
 
 You Logo, Girl!
 
 This One’s for You, Mildred
 
 Argh, O’Mateys!
 
 Big Love Trumps Mr. Big
 
 Ptown GPS
 
 Bawdy Politics
 An American Impressionist
 
 Not Full Citizens
 
 Happy Returns
 
 Stupor Bowl
 
 Amazing Grace
 
 B Is for Benchmark
 
 TGI /
 
 Rudimentary
 
 Our State of Affairs Is a Great State Fair
 
 Curb Your Cynicism
 
 Late Adopters
 
 Fighting Weight
 
 Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuit
 Why Not Hillary?
 
 “If you go down to the woods today . . .”
 
 Hillaphobic Blowback
 
 Hillary’s My Guy
 
 Sitting Shiva on She
 
 It Ain’t Over
 
 Hubble, Hubble
 
 Carpooling on the Straight Talk Express
 
 Do You Have to Go?
 
 The Itch to Hitch
 
 Faith-Based Comedy
 The Sistine Shusher
 
 Reading Between the Holy Lines
 
 Ding-Dong
 
 Ordained Comic
 
 M’Kay?
 
 St. Alf’s Science Fair
 
 The Closet and the Confessional
 
 Moral Footprints
 Gayvolution Theory
 
 I Wish I Could Quit Ewe
 
 Just Rehab Those Slurs Away!
 
 Edible Equality
 
 Incoming!
 
 The Month Formerly Known as June
 
 Friends of Bill and Dorothy
 
 ENDA, Don’t MENDA
 
 Power Is Sexy! Action Is Hot!
 
 Go, Golden Staters! Go, Buckeyes!
 
 The Perfect Heterostorm
 
 He Sees Gay People
 
 Citizen Arrests
 Third Term
 
 Peace of My Mind
 
 The UN Goes to Junior High
 
 I Don’t Heart Huckabee
 
 Happy International Women’s Day!
 
 DC
 
 Buzzkill
 
 Lights Out on Bush
 
 Curb Your Mitt!
 
 Hypocrites Galore
 
 Precollision Intelligence
 
 Bush as Belichick
 
 PBTSD
 
 The Unconflicted White Man
 
 On the GLAAD Rag
 
 Wii the People
 
 Come On, Rogue
 Project Runaway
 
 Civic Tempura
 
 Even Covergirls Get the Blues
 
 The Palin Effect
 
 The Right to Comfort
 
 The Big Gay Slowdown
 
 Afterword

About the Author

A humorist for over twenty-five years, Kate Clinton is the author of What the L? and Don't Get Me Started, has produced eight comedy collections, and has an active tour schedule. She lives with her partner, Urvashi Vaid, in New York.

Reviews

I Told You So is true, terrifying, and coffee-out-yournose funny. I love Kate Clinton. Buy the book, or I'll sic the NSA on your ass.—Rachel Maddow

"Kate Clinton makes our world bigger by sharing hers. With her laser-beam wit, she offers up a series of bittersweet, twisted, tart and tangy, honest, and from-the-heart essays. I enjoyed every minute of viewing the world through her eyes. All that and she is funny."—Lewis Black, The Daily Show

"A hilarious, jam-packed, and fun-filled collection of thoughts from the mind of an American original."—Lily Tomlin

"Clinton proves in these essays—which cover topics from the inherent lesbianism of Sex and the City to three-dimensional thesauri—that she still ranks among the sharpest, funniest working comedians."—Ms.

"[Clinton] throws just as many ingredients into the pot—she riffs on Hillary Clinton and waterboarding, baptism and Provincetown—but comedic license and her own wicked sense of humor allow Clinton a kind of thematic ADD that fiction would not afford."—Kathi Wolfe, Washington Blade