Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION: “I Want to be the Perfect Mom”
 
1          My OB-Gyn. Goes To My Church
2          Braxton Hicks: Is That A Department Store?
3          Cabbage Rolls and Comedies
4          Look At The Mess You Made
5          What, No Instruction Manual?
6          He Is So A Newborn
7          Bawling With The Baby
8          Afternoon Delight Or Not
9          Smack Him Again And Put Him Back
10        I Have A Hegg-ache!
11        A Forehead Embedded With Broccoli
12         A Light Snack And Ipecac
13        The Cousins And The Cornmeal
14        You Haven’t Lived Until You’ve Experienced Projectile Vomiting
15        Marky Ate It (Proof Of The Existence Of Original Sin)
16        Do Worms Have Tonsils? And Other Earth Shattering Questions
17        “Letting Down” In Public
18        Pink Gorillas And The Fountain Of Youth
19        Creamed Herring, Gun Cleaning Solvent And An Easter Lily
20        A Broken Ankle And Humble Pie
21        Another Dangly: God Is In Control
22        The Vacation From Hell
23        A Book, A Bowl, A Wooden Spoon And A Tape Deck
24        Leftovers For Hubby
25        My Little Spaceman
26        Your Boss Saw My Dirty Underwear
27        Fake Teeth And Eyeball Divots
28        Remaking The Bed
29        I Love You This Much And Even More
30        I Know What You Did
31        Boys Will Be Boys
32        The Daddy Toll Booth
33        A No-Thank-You Helping And Clean Bread
34        I’m Going to Kill You And Other Words You Can’t Take Back
35        I Want To Change My Name (Time Out For Mommy)
36        The Farm In Pennsylvania
37        There Was A Forest On Our Lawn And Now A Fireman Is In Our Den
38        Marshmallow Wars (The Soft Side Of Healthy Aggression)
39        String Bean Battles (The Art Of Not Taking Yourself Too Seriously)
40        Sundaes For Dinner On Tuesday?
41        A Ringside Seat At The Van De Water-RK Boxing Match
42        Spider Webs And Alka Seltzers
43        That Didn’t Hurt! (The Fine Line Between Discipline And Abuse)
44        That Hurt (The Trials Of Being A Sports Mom)
45        Deer Hearts For Science Smarts
46        The LEGO Prince And His Mom
47        Hockey Shots Before The Bus Stops
48        My Mother, My Mentor
49        I Wanna Be Like My Daddy
50        I’m Cold So Put On A Coat
51        My Face Behind The Sponge And My Butt In A Shopping Cart
52        They’re Called Chores For A Reason
53        What Part Of “NO” Don’t You Understand?
54        The Front Of The Bus, The Top Of The Class
55        A Race Around The Pond To Make The Bus
56        Momma Bear And The Shifty Chaperone
57        Too Little Time To Just Be A Kid
58        Just Wait Until They Hit High School
59        Please Don’t “Woo-Hoo” At My Concert
60        Your Mother’s Wearing A Banana On Her Head
61        No One Can Fill Your Shoes Or Find Them
62        Ben-Meister: The Trouble With Nicknames
63        All I Want Is Loving You And Music, Music, Music
64        Full Circle In Colorado Springs
65        The Food Inspector General
66        Passing The Baton
67        Leaving His Mark
68        A Tearful Farewell
69        Hamburg Honey From Ben’s Bees
70        A Long Overdue Note Of Thanks
71        The Three Musketeers (The Importance Of Brother Bonds)
72        Advice From The Bros: Never Drive With Mom
73        Measuring Up
74        No Thank You TV
75        The Supermarket Flyer Ad In Song And Spanglish To Make Us Cringe
76        Take It All In Before They’re All Gone
77        Fear Factor In Real Life
78        Sometimes The NO Is As Important As The YES
79        Hugs At The Kitchen Sink
80        A Ring Bouquet At Sunrise And I Love You Because
81        In Three Weeks, In California, Go Buy a Dress
82        All I Want Is Loving You and Music, Music, Music (The Reprise)
83        Uterus-less In Buffalo (The Finality Of It All)
84        CONCLUSION:  Nobody’s Perfect

A MOTHER’S MEMORIES, Precious Pictures
About The Author

About the Author

Ann Van De Water is a mom to three grown sons and a grandmother of two. A certified parenting coach, she has taught parenting and marriage courses in Western New York and has been interviewed on Christian radio several times. She is a speaker for MOPS groups and was a featured writer in The Buffalo News.

Reviews

""Reading Ann’s book was like dipping my cup into a well of stories filled with the authentic trials and triumphs of motherhood.  Thank you, Ann, for allowing the reader to peek beyond the veil of your experience so we can better appreciate our own.  What an encouragement!""
-Jill Kelly, Mom, Speaker, Author of Without a Word

""Ann Van De Water is an exceptional woman of God.  Her outgoing and bubbly personality is infectious.  She has a unique ability to relate to women of all ages.  Her book is full of real-life anecdotes that will have you laughing one minute and tearing up the next.  Ann knows what it is like to be a “real” mom and her audience will be blessed by her honesty and wisdom.""
-Michelle Borrello, Current Director of Preschool, Wesleyan Church of Hamburg
 
""There is nobody quite like Ann Van De Water.  Her wonderful blend of humor, common sense and spiritual insight have made her beloved by many.  No woman has loved her husband or children better.  Her priorities of God, family and others have yielded beautiful fruit--in her own family and in many other couples and families.  In these vignettes of her mothering  experiences, she relates real life “in the trenches,” and she faces it all with teachability, tenderness, practicality and joy. She’s the real deal---with wisdom to share.""
-Sue McClain, Former Teacher/Pastor’s Wife
 
""What a refreshing view of motherhood!  From the early season of diapers and drooling to the process of sending her young men off to their own adventures with a purpose and prayer, Ann Van De Water has captured the essence of motherhood.   Enjoy walking through her world with stories that illustrate that armed with a sense of humor and the wisdom of scripture, motherhood is a true joy for those who are brave enough to embark on the journey.  Ann’s humor is reminiscent of Erma Bombeck and her attitude demonstrates that Christ is the solid rock on which she stands.""
-Krista Schwartzott, MOPS Coordinator

""Ann’s book is a “LOL” book!  The sincerity about her hectic life as a mother of three boys shows us that it is okay to laugh at ourselves, admit to our imperfections and learn from them...all with God’s help.  Ann is a role model for other mothers to look up to because she allows Jesus’ light to shine through her.""
-Karen H., MOPS Coordinator