Table of Contents

Contents
Foreword by Rainn Wilson
Introduction
Chapter 1: Biography, Autobiography, and Memoir: Writing with the Stars
Foreword to Kool-Aid Man’s Bustin’ Through: Confessions of a Kool-Aid Man by
Whitney Matheson
Foreword to Samwell’s What What (In the Butt): The Man Behind the Booty by “Testas
Sterone” (Kersi Asare)
Foreword to Bill Pullman’s I Wasn’t in Twister: A Memoir by Dante Mercadante
Foreword to Walter Isaacson’s Pizzazz: The Life and Genius of Darrell Hammond by the
Essence of Darrell Hammond
Foreword to Earl Pittman, Jr.’s Vance DeGeneris: An Unauthorized Biography by Vance
DeGeneres
Foreword to Chewbacca’s I, Wookiee: A Memoir by “Joe Weaver” (Jon Chattman)
Chapter 2: Politics, Religion, and Social Commentary: In God, We Covfefe
Foreword to Newt Gingrich’s Poststructuralism for Republicans: Truth in the Trump Era
by “US secretary of education Betsy deVos” (J. Aaron Sanders)
Foreword to It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time: A Tedious Brief History of
Compassion in the GOP from Unnamed Sources within the White House, by Michael
Cerveris
Foreword to Vicki Mulholland’s Is Big Pharma “Big Brother”? by Gregory Jbara
Foreword to Blank Pages by John Oates
Foreword to Stephen Hawking’s Why We Keep Making the Same Mistakes by Moby
Foreword to Camila Camarena’s A Land without Mirrors by Ann Mahoney
Foreword to Christopher Hitchens’s Champagne, Lobster, Anal Sex, and Picnics: An
Unabridged Anthology of Essays Lost and Found by “Lady Ann Somnia” (Mary
Birdsong)
Foreword to God’s Wow, You’re All Fucking This Up Big Time by Mary Lambert
Foreword to the Straight Edge E-kewl-menical Council’s New Bible for Teenz – Bible is
Goalz! edition by Etan Cohen
Chapter 3: Music: Opening Acts to Performances You’ll Never Hear
Foreword to Phil Rosenthal’s Who’s the Boss?: My Unlikely Rise to Rock Stardom by
“Bruce Springsteen” (Phil Rosenthal)
Foreword to Terry Liscomb’s Bitter Emotion: My Years with Aerosmith by “Steven Tyler
and Joe Perry” (Keith Murray and Chris Cain)
Foreword to Lionel Richie’s 1-28-85 by Claude Kelly
Foreword to Garth Brooks’s Chris Gaines at Paisley Park: The Secret Diaries by Alan
Light
Foreword to Carly Rae Jepsen’s On Call Waiting by Carly Jibson
Foreword to Ken Casey’s The Lucky Lefty: My Dropkick Journey by Joe Gittleman
Foreword to Hoobastank’s Terrible Band Names: A Rock Chronology by John
Ondrasik, AKA Five for Fighting
Chapter 4: True Crime: Take a Bite Out of It
Foreword to Eric Schlosser’s I’ll Be There for You: The True Story of the Central Perk
Murders by Simeon Goodson
Foreword to Vincent Bugliosi’s Sock Puppet Mozart: The Life and Gruesome Death of
Randy Masterson by Thomas Lennon
Foreword to Bart Haskins’s The Troubador Murders: Homicide, Justice, and One
Family’s Fight to Pick up the Pieces by Stephen Kellogg
Foreword to A Tramp’s Tales from Lucky Tam, by Matthew P. Mayo
Foreword to Barbara Lewis Beauregard’s The Killens by John Paul White
Foreword to Alanna Trask’s Keep Your Gaze on Me: A True Story of Social Media,
Obsession, and Murder by Shirley Manson
Chapter 5: Pop Culture and Fandom: Come Out and CosPlay
Foreword to Bethany Snow’s Remembering Comic Books: The Neverending Story
Concludes by George Gene Gustines
Foreword to Clark Kent’s Behind the Iron Curtain: The True Story of Tony Stark by
Jayson Stark
Foreword to How the New York Yankees Have Changed Lives: A Compilation by Jerry
Springer
Foreword to Tom Smith’s Walkers, Survivors, and Aiming for the Head in Our Modern-
Day Zombie Apocalypse by Kerry Cahill
Foreword to Wink Martindale’s High Rollers: In the Spotlight and Behind the Scenes
during the Golden Age of Game Shows by Dan Epstein
Foreword to Sheila Ruminard’s I Did Not Realize That Constituted Stalking: Fandom for
a New Millennium by Billy Yost
Foreword to Sir Anthony Hopkins’s The Real Housewives: A Definitive History by “Sir
Ian McKellen” (Jordan Fazio)
Foreword to Simon Phillips’s The Wind Beneath My Wings by Al Snow
Chapter 6: Love and Sex: Yes, Please
Foreword to Richard Hurt’s The Old High Hard One by Bronson Arroyo
Foreword to Aurora Charming’s The Birds and the Bees: When Prince Charming
Discovered Cinderella’s Clitoris, Not Her Slipper by Inara George
Foreword to Loosen Mirespect’s Final Penetration by Jeffrey Reddick
Foreword to Professor Boobsen Plainview’s Nip-Slips: An Illustrated History by Jim
McBride, AKA Mr. Skin
Foreword to Sarah Linanman’s Where In the World Do I Find Love? by James Adam
Shelley
Chapter 7: Science and Nature: Enjoy Them Before They’re Gone
Foreword to The Lure of the Flies by Adam West
Foreword to Will D. Beest’s Everything You Need to Know about Massachusetts Fish
and Wildlife Regulations by Jonathan Knight
Foreword to the Daughters of the American Chicken Revolution’s Psychology of
Chickens by Laurie Berkner
Foreword to P. Forsythe Wellington’s A Brief History of the Chewing Patterns of the
Reticulated Giraffe by Steve Hofstetter
Foreword to Dr. Robert Mochahu’s Boogers That Taste Like Cheese by Jeff Pearlman
Foreword to Adelicia Wolfe’s The Life and Love of Doctor Viktor Wolfe: Innovator,
Activist, Husband, Father, Mother by Lera Lynn
Foreword to Sheila Van Hooven’s Driven: One Man’s Quest to Perfect the Flying Car by
by Jeremy Kaplan
Foreword to Vida Blue Azul’s Losing Paluto by Bill Lee
Chapter 8: Self Help and Good Advice: Because You Need Somebody
Foreword to Grandma’s I’m Dying over Here & It’s Hilarious: How to Put the FUN in
Funerals by Regina DeCicco
Foreword to Brittany Brave’s Too Fake to Fail—The Brave Method: How to Use Improv
to Win at Life, Love, and Work by “Jane Smith” (Brittany Brave)
Foreword to Daffy Duck’s How to Win Influence and Friend People by Ali Spagnola
Foreword to Henry Eisenstein’s Obvious Investing by Kay Hanley
Foreword to Ronald Bartel’s The Bachelor’s DIY Guide to Lightning Rod Assembly by
“Ronald Bartel” (David Bason)
Foreword to Jadree Ivancovich’s Digging Mommyhood by “Sarah Schist, PhD” (Hannah
Lindoff)
Foreword to Edward Schwartz’s Find Your True Voice: Lessons Learned in the Life of a
Working Microphone by Cat Zambito
Foreword to Yaswei Kahn’s Con Yourself into Confidence by Samantha Ruddy
Afterword by Chazz and Gianna Palminteri
Foreword to Jon Chattman’s Acknowledgements by Denis Hurley
Acknowledgements, Thank Yous, and the Like

About the Author

Jon Chattman has jokingly told Tom Cruise to stop hitting on his wife, enjoyed a Reuben sandwich with Randy ""Macho Man"" Savage, and somehow ignited Snoop Dogg to sing Dean Martin's ""That's Amore."" Those are just some highlights in this writer/author, marketing expert, online entertainment host, talent buyer, blogger, and man-of-many-hats's career. Chattman, who is currently chief creative officer and president of Moving Forward Consulting, has an extensive background in the entertainment field, specializing in interviewing and writing about those in the music, film, and television worlds. He has covered various red carpets—from the Academy Awards to the Indie Spirits to the Tony Awards—and interviewed an eclectic mix of celebrities, including Courtney Love, Alice Cooper, Javier Bardem, Aaron Sorkin, Hulk Hogan, and Tracy Morgan. In August 2011, he launched an online music and entertainment series, A-Sides, which featured established and on-the-rise musicians performing a song or two and taking part in an informal conversation afterwards. It debuted on thisisasides.com and has appeared on the Huffington Post, Inked magazine, and USAtoday.com.

Chattman has authored many pop culture, sports, and wrestling centric books, including How the Red Sox Explain New England (Triumph Books, 2013), Superfly: The Jimmy Snuka Story (Triumph, 2012), and Sweet Stache (Adams Media, 2009.) He resides in Westchester County, New York, with his wife, Alison, and three young children. His hobbies include binge watching Netflix shows, going to the movies, Star Wars, the beach, listening to Bon Iver and pre–Everything Now Arcade Fire, and he is trying desperately to sever his phone from his hand.

Reviews

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""A no-holds-barred cacophony of funny, poignant and even thought-provoking writing that tackles everything from politics to pop culture, true crime to trout fishing, and Star Wars to skin flicks.""

—BookTrib

""Most of these are hilarious and absurd, but some of them are unexpectedly unsettling and others tremendously engaging. One is absolutely beautiful — the one about a woman traveling the world to experience all different forms of love, in the hopes of finding one that will last. It's a heartbreakingly gorgeous idea, one that you wish was real.""

—Seattle Book Review

""This is the most clever book I've ever read or my name isn't Steve Martin.""

—Brian Kiley, comedian and writer for Conan

""Very smartly done. This is possibly the best collection of funny, insightful, and entertaining forewords to books you wish were real!""

—Greg Sestero, New York Times bestselling coauthor of The Disaster Artist

""Now that Jon has come up with an idea this simple and great, he's after my investors for a chain of movie theatres that only show trailers.""

—Rob Barnett, former senior executive at MTV and VH1 and former president of programming for CBS Radio

""This book is not for the illiterate.""

—Alan Zweibel, former Saturday Night Live writer and Thurber Prize–winning author of The Other Shulman

""Ah, the all-important foreword. They always remind me of the utter import of every introduction I hear the emcee make just before I take the stage as a stand-up comedian . . . The objective is to impress them before I take the stage—just the same as with a foreword. Remind the reader that they were correct to have made the effort to buy the book. That they are smart to have chosen this book among the sea of literary options. Fill them with the confidence of the best version of themselves. It's a total affirmation that they made the right choice . . . this time. Well, this is a whole book of perfect introductions to acts you'll never hear.""

—Kevin Pollak, actor and comedian

""If one thing is certain in the book business, it's that nothing tops a good foreword. Especially if it's from someone famous. And I don't mean the sh*tty kind of famous, where only teenagers at the mall recognize you because they saw your face on a YouTube end credits screen once. I mean really famous. Famous Famous. The kind of fame where you can have people follow you around the world, throwing peanuts at your enemies, which is the kind of thing I hear Angelina Jolie does. Anyway, what was this for again?""

—B.J. Mendelson, author of Social Media is Bullsh*t
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