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A New Map for Relationships


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Marty calls himself a world-class fool and is proud of it. His research on encryption was originally seen as a fool's errand, but it recently won him the ACM's million-dollar Turing Award-often regarded as the Nobel Prize in computing. Following Dorothie down an uncharted path that even she could not fully describe until they reclaimed the true love that they felt when they first met also seemed like a fool's errand, but it proved even more rewarding. Even a million dollars can't buy true love. Thirty-five years ago, during the height of the Cold War and with Dorothie acting as a catalyst, Marty shifted his research from encryption to international security. What was the point in inventing fantastic, new encryption schemes if no one might be around to use them in fifty to a hundred years? That shift led him to co-edit a 1988 book with Moscow's Prof. Anatoly Gromyko aimed at discovering the equations of survival needed for the nuclear age. Breakthrough: Emerging New Thinking received critical acclaim from individuals ranging from Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev to former CIA Director William Colby. As a professor at Stanford University, Marty is affiliated with its Center for International Security and Cooperation, where he works on bringing a risk-informed approach to our nation's nuclear strategy. To do that, he has intensively researched international conflicts that could escalate to nuclear threats and even use. Seven of those conflicts are included as case studies in the book. After spending several decades following a relationship map that had her repeatedly driving off cliffs, Dorothie found the courage to tear it up and piece together a new map that allowed her to reach the place of love, acceptance and peace where she had always wanted to dwell. That allowed her and her husband Marty to transform an almost failed marriage into one in which anger became a nightmare of the past. To accomplish that, Dorothie has spent more than half her life studying anger, fear and grief, as well as joy, love and compassion. Practicing compassion was particularly important in her journey and is the centerpiece of her part of this book. Dorothie was trained as a CPA and worked at Touche Ross, now Deloitte. She left that career to become a full-time volunteer at the Beyond War Foundation, where she served as Vice President for Financial Support in the 1980s. She and Marty have been together for fifty years and, as you'll learn from this book, they had to navigate some very rocky patches and fall in love with our planet to recover true love at home.


"Marty and Dorothie Hellman have written a truly unique book that tells an engaging and persuasive story relating domestic peace to world peace. This book should be read by married couples seeking peace at home, as well as by diplomats seeking peace in the world. This is an especially important work considering the enormously destructive power of nuclear weapons.The struggle for interpersonal dominance can lead to the end of a marriage, but the struggle for geopolitical dominance can lead to the end of civilization." William J. Perry, Secretary of Defense 1994-1997 "This is the most thoughtful, unique, and fascinating book I have ever read on personal and international diplomacy. Drawing from their own poignant experiences in managing spousal relations - candid stories that will resonate with all readers - Dorothie and Marty Hellman persuasively apply their life lessons to the domain of foreign affairs. We are often puzzled when peoples of two nations seem to get along, while their governments are at loggerheads. The Hellman's have much to say about why this does not have to be so." Ambassador and Lt. Gen. Karl W. Eikenberry (U.S. Army, Retired) Commander of Coalition forces in Afghanistan (2005-2007) and US Ambassador to Afghanistan (2009-2011) "I really enjoyed readingA New Map for Relationships. Your personal story is both charming and very valuable. It has helped me to improve my relationship with my wife, even though she has not yet read the book. I'm looking forward to her doing so, so that we can discuss it together. I really loved the way you integrated resolving interpersonal and international conflicts. Your journey of discovery and transformation is one of hope for couples and for the planet. Thank you so much for sharing it." David Krieger, President, Nuclear Age Peace Foundation "This is the most impressive book I've ever read. I've never seen anything as personally touching and thought provoking. I will embrace the journey." Axel Merk, President of Merk Investments, manager of the Merk Mutual Funds "A New Map for Relationships is an ambitious and bold study that thoughtfully combines the personal and the political-historical to relate helpful insights to the improvement of both personal and international relations. Its analysis of international conflicts is probing and heavily historically-oriented. It urges honesty, truth, and understanding, and stresses the value of empathy, tolerance, and forbearance with both wisdom and compassion." Barton J. Bernstein, Professor of History, Emeritus, Stanford University "Marty and Dorothie Hellman offer a 'unified field theory' for successful relationships at all levels of the human family. The Hellmans use compellingpersonal and historical examples to illustrate how compassionate, holistic solutions will provide personal security, national security and internationalsecurity. Every spouse, partner, citizen, and world leader should read this book!" Daniel U. Smith, Appellate Attorney and Board Member, The Ploughshares Fund "It is indeed true that each of us carries the fuse of the nuclear threat in her individual heart. It is also true that we generally do not know that simple fact. Some of us go out of our way on a mission to solve the nuclear threat 'out there, ' without recognizing that the only way to solve it is 'in here.' When a person finally discovers the hatred that harbors in his heart, he crosses the threshold that leads to wisdom. This book can greatly accelerate that process." Dr. Federico Faggin, designer of the world's first microprocessor"

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