Preface 6
Acknowledgements 8
Trial by Commuting 10
The Beggar 16
The Belligerent 20
The Born in a Stable 24
The Broadsheet 28
The City Boy 32
The Clique 36
The Creative 40
The Deadbeat 44
The Death Breath 48
The Double Seater 52
The Drunk 56
The Engager 60
The Enquirer 64
The Family 68
The Fast Fooder 72
The Flamboyant Groin 76
The Gadget 80
The Gaggle 84
The Group 88
The Hero 92
The High-flier 96
The Late Starter 100
The Lovers 104
The Make Up Artist 108
The Mammoth 112
The Mobile Phoner 116
The New Worker 120
The Night Clubbers 124
The Nose Picker 128
The Nutter 132
The Over Your Shoulder 136
The Pervert 140
The Phantom Farter 144
The Reservist 148
The Ritualist 152
The Sardine Packer 156
The Sleeper 160
The Social Climber 164
The Spinster 168
The Starer 172
The Stinker 176
The Stretcher 180
The Territorialist 184
The Texter 188
The Toff 192
The Train Timer 196
The Traveller 200
The Vomiter 204
The Wheeled Caser 108
The Youth 212
Afterword 216
Andrew Holmes is a writer, serial commuter, gadfly and collector of stories and observations about the people around him. He spends far too much time on trains for his own good and is seeking professional help to overcome the obsessive-compulsive disorders that have resulted. He likes to spend as much time as possible with his family - assuming he ever gets home of course.
Matt Reeves lives and works somewhat beyond the M25. Rumours that he is the model for 'The Creative' as featured in this book are grossly over-exaggerated. Working on this project has given Matt a more detailed understanding of the UK rail system and its commuters than he would have ideally liked. All proceeds derived by Matt from this book will be put towards his helicopter fund.
"…start ‘pain spotting’ and put the fun back in to commuting…" (Publishing News, 12 September 2003) "…A new book Pains on Trains offers advice on taking it all [irritating commuters] in your stride..."(Daily Mirror, 24 October 2003) "…hugely funny…" (Oxford Mail, 31 October 2003) "…Pains on trains is a hugely funny and brilliantly Observed look at the different types of people…" (Edinburgh Evening News, 1 November 2003) "…hugely funny…" (Cambridge Evening News, 8 November 2003) "…hysterically accurate…" (Southern Daily Echo, 8 November 2003) "…brilliantly observed…" (East Anglian Daily Times, November 2003) "…hysterically accurate…with wonderful descriptions and illustrations…" (Irish News (Belfast), 1 November 2003) "....I like to think of myself as fairly curmudgeonly, though I am mild-mannered compared to Andrew Holmes and Matthew Reeves who have produced a book called Pains on Trains...this consists of 50 different types of people who annoy the authors on trains..." (The Guardian, April 2006)
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