Table of Contents

Part I: Theorizing on the Process of Parenting
1.Parenting Across the Lifespan: Some Personal and Conceptual Musings / Steven Tuber, PhD, ABPP
2.Not Your Mother's Identity: Good-Enough Parenting in the Age of Maximization / Lisa Samstag, PhD and Nick Samstag, PhD
3.On Being Essential: Parenting, Immigration, and Acculturation / Diana Punales Morejon, PhD
4.We Are Always Essential / Ken Barish, PhD
Part II: Parenting and Its Impact on Clinical Work
5.The Therapist’s Experience as Parent: The Complex Interaction Between Parent Process and Clinical Work / Leslie Gibson, PhD
6.Parental Humility / Kevin Meehan, PhD and Elizabeth Zick, PhD
7.Rage, Forgiveness, and Acceptance: Parenting Through Difficult Moments / Paul Donahue, PhD
8.“I Can’t Stand Her”: The Role Of Hatred in Development / Marsha Levy Warren, PhD
Part III: The Impact of Clinical Work on Parenting
9.Transformative Aspects of Our Own Analyses and Their Resonance in Our Parenting and Work with Patients / Lauren Levine, PhD
10.Why Did You Choose Me?: Some Thoughts on the Wish to Have a Child and the Child’s Wished-For Parent / Banu Seckin-Ertal, PhD
11.Self-Disclosure, Reverie, and Countertransference as Essential Aspects of Psychotherapy / Monique S. Bowen, PhD
12.Becoming a Grandparent: Memories, Identifications, and Reenactments / Jerry Meyer, MD
13.Gardening in the Softball League: How Teachers Parent / Benjamin Harris, PhD

About the Author

Steven Tuber, PhD, ABPP, is professor of psychology and Director of Clinical Training in the doctoral program in clinical psychology of the City College of New York, where he has taught for thirty years. He is the author of several critically acclaimed books, including two on child therapy and one on projective testing.

Reviews

In this book, the contributors expertly argue that successful parents realize the objectives of parenting depend on a host of factors, including the normative developmental needs of children and the contexts surrounding families. As children mature or familial contexts change, successful parents modify their objectives to match new conditions. The following statement appears within the work’s introduction: ‘This book has, at its core paradigm, an intrinsic paradox: while we must become essential to our children as early as possible in their lives in order to help them create an internalized experience of being valued, we must simultaneously give up this exclusive essentialness over time if we want them to develop a sense of autonomy and individuality.’ Thirteen chapters by clinicians and parents thoroughly explore topics such as various stages of parent roles, the essence of maternal/paternal identities, the stages of pride parents experience, the impacts felt by clinicians with clients dealing with parental issues, and the ability to recognize grandparenting as an opportunity to reenact and rework the original essentialness paradox. These topics are methodically explored with the central theme of how parents can maintain a continuity of purpose as they face normative developmental changes in their roles as parents.

Summing Up: Highly recommended. All readers.
*CHOICE*

Overall, I enjoyed most of the chapters in this book. I am not a psychoanalyst and lean more toward cognitive-behavioral approaches to therapy but I have not forgotten my psychodynamic roots and appreciate the reminder that while symptom relief is important, exploring relational issues and their effects on an unconscious level can contribute much to a client’s improvement. I liked learning about the effects parenting has had on other clinician parents. I especially liked being reintroduced to psychoanalysis as a more practical practice. Several years ago when my son with ADHD was an adolescent, I went to a psychoanalytic therapist for a year. It did not help me with the struggles I was having. I became very disillusioned about that form of therapy then and consciously chose to move in the direction of more immediate symptom relief in my own practice. In light of what I have just read, I would say it was a case of me as clinician being affected by my experience as parent, the implications of which I had not previously taken the time to consider. I feel encouraged to revisit this decision.
*PsycCRITIQUES*

[A] well-conceived and well-executed volume.... I want to highlight that Tuber’s conceptual framework holds considerable untapped potential…. Clearly, Tuber’s original contribution of a developmental line in parenting has potential in our clinical work as a signpost for termination. I believe it also holds promise as a perspective applicable in appreciating other intimate relationships, such as pair bonds between adults. All who are familiar with Tuber’s writing will recognize in his rendering of his memory of dancing with his father the playfulness and fluidity that informs his parenting, his clinical work, and his teaching.
*Journal of Infant, Child, and Adolescent Psychotherapy*

“What an extraordinarily important—and well done—book. Therapists are so inclined to focus on bad parenting that this examination of what parenting should be, without imposing rose-colored lenses or glossing over the complexities, is truly a landmark contribution. Bravo!”
*Paul Wachtel, Distinguished Professor, City College of New York*

“Parenting: Contemporary Clinical Perspectives is just a wonderful book. Despite the fact that parenting is a nearly ubiquitous human experience, the study of the experience of parenting, and its effect on a therapist's development as a person and as a clinician have been all but absent from the dynamic psychotherapy literature (or any psychotherapy literature, for that matter!). Steven Tuber’s collection of courageous, thoughtful, and creative reflections on parenting and parenthood by experienced clinicians not only breaks the mold by bringing together the professional and personal in poignant, deeply revealing, and imaginative ways, but also sets the gold standard for explorations of the complexity and joy of becoming essential to another. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It's the kind of book we hunger for as clinicians, full of life, wisdom, and humanity.”
*Arietta Slade, Yale Child Study Center*