Introduction 1. A Baby is Born 2. Childhood Memories and Ghosts 3. The Inner World of Children 4. Parents’ Insights 5. Being a Parent 6. Creating Shared Memory Narratives 7. Parent-Child Differences 8. Treasured Toys 9. Being Grandparents Epilogue Glossary
Ilene S. Lefcourt established the Sackler Lefcourt Center for Child Development in New York City in 1982. For over 35 years she has been its director, provided developmental consultation to parents, and led mother-child groups with children from birth to 3 years of age. Ms. Lefcourt is a faculty member of the Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research Parent-Infant Program.
"Ilene Lefcourt captures the essence of the complex and stimulating
therapeutic process with parents, their babies, and young children.
She restores childhood memories to a central position and offers
rich reflections on the clinical work to understand them. Parenting
and Childhood Memories is a beautiful book, exciting and
accessible: a good combination of education, emotional support, and
psychoanalytic thinking." - Christine Anzieu-Premmereur, MD, PhD,
Assistant Clinical Professor Psychiatry, Columbia University,
Director, Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training
and Research Parent-Infant Program"In a lyrical, jargon-free style,
Ilene Lefcourt gives us a highly original new book of parent-infant
clinical stories. The case studies beautifully illustrate how
parental childhood memories, out of awareness, trigger repetitions
with the parent’s own child. As Lefcourt links these memories to
current parent-child difficulties, parents come to have deep
empathy for their children and themselves. And clinicians learn to
become better clinicians. This book is a gem." - Beatrice Beebe,
PhD, Clinical Professor Medical Psychology, Columbia University
Medical Center, New York State Psychiatric Institute, Author,
Infant Research and Adult Treatment; The Mother-Infant Interaction
Picture Book"Ilene Lefcourt’s clinically nuanced case reports offer
illuminating examples of our current scientific understanding of
how memory is interpersonally co-constructed, and how it develops
and transforms." - Susan Coates, PhD, Clinical Professor of Medical
Psychology, Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training
and Research, Division of Gender, Sexuality and Health, Author, Can
Babies Remember Trauma? Symbolic Forms of Representation in
Traumatized Infants "In this wise and riveting book, Ilene Lefcourt
brings her vast clinical experience to life. Through discussion
intertwined with rich clinical vignettes, she shows the power of
the parent-child relationship as an agent of healing and growth.
The intensity of the emotional experience of parenthood offers a
unique opportunity to gain access to hidden memories both painful
and pleasurable. By protecting time to listen to a parent’s story
while observing their infant’s communication through behavior or
their young child’s communication through play, Lefcourt creates
opportunity for moments of meeting between parent and child that
are transformative for both. Her ability to bring the reader into
the complex and inherently messy world of parent-child
relationships will be of value to parents and clinicians alike." -
Claudia M. Gold, MD, Pediatrician, Boston Massachusetts, Faculty,
University of Massachusetts Boston Infant-Parent Mental Health
Program, Author, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of
Relationships are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and
Trust and Keeping Your Child in Mind"Parenting and Childhood
Memories is filled with clinically moving stories about parents and
their young children. Complex psychoanalytic principles and
developmental concepts are illustrated in a clear and compelling
way. A delightful read: mental health professionals and parents
will be enriched by their own memories triggered and their insights
acquired." - Irit Kushilevitz, PhD, Assistant Director,
Psychological and Developmental Clinic, Ministry of Health, Haifa,
Israel"Ilene Lefcourt’s book is an important resource for
pediatricians who are often asked questions about their patient’s
behavior, and development. Through vignettes, and accompanying
psychanalytic interpretations, Ms. Lefcourt provides a unique
framework for understanding the deep connections between parents’
own childhoods, and their interactions with their children. It is
truly an important work." - Alanna Levine, MD, Pediatrician, New
York, Author, Raising a Self-Reliant Child"This book is a gift to
parents, mental health clinicians, and everyone interested in how
we become who we are. It goes beyond 'how to' parenting advice to
bring much-needed empathy for the inner world of parents, showing
how their often-buried childhood memories re-emerge in how they
perceive their children, and respond to the challenges of
childrearing. In beautiful language, Ilene Lefcourt masterfully
models how to promote the emotional growth of parents and young
children by uncovering the links between the past and the present,
to understand the meaning of seemingly inexplicable behavior
problems, and to restore developmental health." - Alicia Lieberman,
PhD, Professor, University of California San Francisco, Irving B.
Harris Chair in Infant Mental Health, Author, The Emotional Life of
the Toddler"Ilene Lefcourt offers us her astute and compassionate
insights into the wonders and challenges of parenting. Her
perspectives and gentle, thoughtful accounts of families inspire us
to remember the magic of parent-child love and the way it can lead
to growth and joy as well as layered meanings." - Catherine Lord,
PhD, George Tarjan Distinguished Professor of Psychiatry and
Education, UCLA Semel Institute of Neuroscience and Human Behavior,
David Geffen School of Medicine"This book is as enchanting as it is
serious and convincing. Ilene Lefcourt uses psychoanalytically
informed interventions to help parents change the way they interact
unconsciously with their children. The clinical vignettes that
illustrate these interactions are arresting and moving. All readers
are bound to embrace the wisdom of this book and be informed and
changed by it." -Eugene Mahon, MD, Private Child and Adult
Practice, NYC, Author, Rensal the Redbit"Ilene Lefcourt brilliantly
describes the powerful impact of insight, often only painfully
acquired, for the benefit of parent and child alike. The author
walks the reader through a captivating collection of case studies
that reveal the way in which our childhood experience shapes our
relations with our own children. This book emerges as a remarkable
and very readable analysis of family psychodynamics across
generations." - Michael Meaney, CM, CQ, FRSC, Professor, McGill
University"Ilene Lefcourt opens our eyes to an important part of
the human experience: parent-child interactions and the development
of the mind. Her understanding of this process is
psychoanalytically informed and elegantly described. This book
offers an opportunity to share in some of the most exciting
experiences in becoming human. Parenting and Childhood Memories is
particularly delightful as the author is both an empathic, talented
clinician, and a skilled writer." - Robert Michels, MD, Walsh
McDermott University Professor of Medicine and Psychiatry, Cornell
University, Former Training and Supervising Analyst, Columbia
University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research, Former
Joint Editor-in-Chief, The International Journal of
Psychoanalysis"This book should be read as a foundational guide for
all those working with parents and young children." - Patricia
Nachman, PhD, Attending Clinical Professor, Mt. Sinai School of
Medicine; Faculty New York Psychoanalytic Society/Institute,
Editor, Daniel Stern: Contributions to Psychoanalysis and
Developmental Psychology "Ilene Lefcourt has written a personal and
elegantly constructed book about parenting and being parented,
about being a child and growing up - the universal
intergenerational impact of the past."- Rita Reiswig, MS,
Co-Director, The Anni Bergman Parent-Infant Program, Contemporary
Freudian Society and IPTAR Psychoanalyst for Adults, Adolescents
and Children"Parenting and Childhood Memories is bewitching!
Lovingly written narratives draw from the author’s vast experience
running an early childhood development center in New York City,
treating and caring for families with infants and young
children.These vignettes draw the reader in and enchant while at
the same time, illustrating essential concepts in psychodynamic
thinking about early parent-child relationships, formative
development, and the many challenges infants, young children and
their parents face daily. This book is written in a way that is
accessible to parents and professionals. Clinical observations are
rich and nuanced in each chapter, which like fairy-tale classics,
you will want to re-read again and again." - Daniel Schechter, MD,
Director, Perinatal and Early Childhood Ambulatory Care and
Research, Department of Psychiatry Lausanne University Hospital,
Switzerland; Adjunct Associate Professor of of Child and Adolescent
Psychiatry, New York University Grossman School of Medicine "Ilene
Lefcourt convinces the reader that her urban enclosure is a magic
and intimate place where secrets are revealed. A vast corpus of
information about development is woven in without pedantic
ceremony. The kind of observations and listening that are required
to achieve the outcomes illustrated are clear." - Theodore Shapiro,
MD, Professor of Psychiatry, Director, Infant Psychiatry Program,
Weill Cornell Medicine New York Presbyterian "Ilene Lefcourt brings
to life both the child’s and the parent’s internal worlds, and
illustrates the crucial and sometimes magical process of giving and
receiving love." - William Singletary, MD, Child and Adult
Psychiatrist and Psychoanalyst, Facullty, Psychoanalytic Center of
Philadelphia, President, Margaret Mahler Child Development
Foundation, Faculty, Psychoanalytic Center of Philadelphia"Ilene
Lefcourt’s wise, warm and erudite book is a work of love…always
informed by her deep knowledge of psychoanalytic theory… These
stories will resonate with some of your own experiences as both a
parent and a child, and you will discover universal, liberating
truths about how we revisit our pasts…" - Kerry Sulkowicz, MD,
President Elect, American Psychoanalytic Association, Clinical
Professor of Psychiatry, NYU School of Medicine"This wonderful book
is perfect for anyone who was ever a child, anyone who wants to
reenter and remember the magic of childhood experiences, stories
and emotions, and anyone who was, is or hopes to be a parent.
Understanding the impact of the past and its ghosts and narratives
through Ilene Lefcourt’s kaleidoscopic and spectral lens reveals
the triumphs and tragedies of being a human raising humans. This
compassionate and captivating condensation of 35 years of work with
parents and children by a master clinician somehow manages to
remain bewitching and transcendent in showing us who we are, who we
are becoming, and why." - Susan Vaughan, MD Director, Columbia
University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research, Author,
The Talking Cure"Parenting and Childhood Memories lends texture and
meaning to intergenerational studies of parental bonding, brain
development and epigenetics. It translates into pathways of change
when these relationships go awry. It is delightful to read and full
of surprises to scientists and parents, and those of us who are
both." - Myrna Weissman, PhD, Diane Goldman Kemper Family Professor
of Epidemiology and Psychiatry, Columbia University Vagelos College
of Physicians and Surgeons
"Ilene Lefcourt captures the essence of the complex and stimulating
therapeutic process with parents, their babies, and young children.
She restores childhood memories to a central position and offers
rich reflections on the clinical work to understand them. Parenting
and Childhood Memories is a beautiful book, exciting and
accessible: a good combination of education, emotional support, and
psychoanalytic thinking." - Christine Anzieu-Premmereur, MD, PhD,
Assistant Clinical Professor Psychiatry, Columbia University,
Director, Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training
and Research Parent-Infant Program"In a lyrical, jargon-free style,
Ilene Lefcourt gives us a highly original new book of parent-infant
clinical stories. The case studies beautifully illustrate how
parental childhood memories, out of awareness, trigger repetitions
with the parent’s own child. As Lefcourt links these memories to
current parent-child difficulties, parents come to have deep
empathy for their children and themselves. And clinicians learn to
become better clinicians. This book is a gem." - Beatrice Beebe,
PhD, Clinical Professor Medical Psychology, Columbia University
Medical Center, New York State Psychiatric Institute, Author,
Infant Research and Adult Treatment; The Mother-Infant Interaction
Picture Book"Ilene Lefcourt’s clinically nuanced case reports offer
illuminating examples of our current scientific understanding of
how memory is interpersonally co-constructed, and how it develops
and transforms." - Susan Coates, PhD, Clinical Professor of Medical
Psychology, Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training
and Research, Division of Gender, Sexuality and Health, Author, Can
Babies Remember Trauma? Symbolic Forms of Representation in
Traumatized Infants "In this wise and riveting book, Ilene Lefcourt
brings her vast clinical experience to life. Through discussion
intertwined with rich clinical vignettes, she shows the power of
the parent-child relationship as an agent of healing and growth.
The intensity of the emotional experience of parenthood offers a
unique opportunity to gain access to hidden memories both painful
and pleasurable. By protecting time to listen to a parent’s story
while observing their infant’s communication through behavior or
their young child’s communication through play, Lefcourt creates
opportunity for moments of meeting between parent and child that
are transformative for both. Her ability to bring the reader into
the complex and inherently messy world of parent-child
relationships will be of value to parents and clinicians alike." -
Claudia M. Gold, MD, Pediatrician, Boston Massachusetts, Faculty,
University of Massachusetts Boston Infant-Parent Mental Health
Program, Author, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of
Relationships are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and
Trust and Keeping Your Child in Mind"Parenting and Childhood
Memories is filled with clinically moving stories about parents and
their young children. Complex psychoanalytic principles and
developmental concepts are illustrated in a clear and compelling
way. A delightful read: mental health professionals and parents
will be enriched by their own memories triggered and their insights
acquired." - Irit Kushilevitz, PhD, Assistant Director,
Psychological and Developmental Clinic, Ministry of Health, Haifa,
Israel"Ilene Lefcourt’s book is an important resource for
pediatricians who are often asked questions about their patient’s
behavior, and development. Through vignettes, and accompanying
psychanalytic interpretations, Ms. Lefcourt provides a unique
framework for understanding the deep connections between parents’
own childhoods, and their interactions with their children. It is
truly an important work." - Alanna Levine, MD, Pediatrician, New
York, Author, Raising a Self-Reliant Child"This book is a gift to
parents, mental health clinicians, and everyone interested in how
we become who we are. It goes beyond 'how to' parenting advice to
bring much-needed empathy for the inner world of parents, showing
how their often-buried childhood memories re-emerge in how they
perceive their children, and respond to the challenges of
childrearing. In beautiful language, Ilene Lefcourt masterfully
models how to promote the emotional growth of parents and young
children by uncovering the links between the past and the present,
to understand the meaning of seemingly inexplicable behavior
problems, and to restore developmental health." - Alicia Lieberman,
PhD, Professor, University of California San Francisco, Irving B.
Harris Chair in Infant Mental Health, Author, The Emotional Life of
the Toddler and Make Room for Baby"Ilene Lefcourt offers us her
astute and compassionate insights into the wonders and challenges
of parenting. Her perspectives and gentle, thoughtful accounts of
families inspire us to remember the magic of parent-child love and
the way it can lead to growth and joy as well as layered meanings."
- Catherine Lord, PhD, George Tarjan Distinguished Professor of
Psychiatry and Education, UCLA Semel Institute of Neuroscience and
Human Behavior, David Geffen School of Medicine"This book is as
enchanting as it is serious and convincing. Ilene Lefcourt uses
psychoanalytically informed interventions to help parents change
the way they interact unconsciously with their children. The
clinical vignettes that illustrate these interactions are arresting
and moving. All readers are bound to embrace the wisdom of this
book and be informed and changed by it." -Eugene Mahon, MD, Private
Child and Adult Practice, NYC, Author, Rensal the Redbit"Ilene
Lefcourt brilliantly describes the powerful impact of insight,
often only painfully acquired, for the benefit of parent and child
alike. The author walks the reader through a captivating collection
of case studies that reveal the way in which our childhood
experience shapes our relations with our own children. This book
emerges as a remarkable and very readable analysis of family
psychodynamics across generations." - Michael Meaney, CM, CQ, FRSC,
Professor, McGill University"Ilene Lefcourt opens our eyes to an
important part of the human experience: parent-child interactions
and the development of the mind. Her understanding of this process
is psychoanalytically informed and elegantly described. This book
offers an opportunity to share in some of the most exciting
experiences in becoming human. Parenting and Childhood Memories is
particularly delightful as the author is both an empathic, talented
clinician, and a skilled writer." - Robert Michels, MD, Walsh
McDermott University Professor of Medicine and Psychiatry, Cornell
University, Former Training and Supervising Analyst, Columbia
University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research, Former
Joint Editor-in-Chief, The International Journal of
Psychoanalysis"This book should be read as a foundational guide for
all those working with parents and young children." - Patricia
Nachman, PhD, Attending Clinical Professor, Mt. Sinai School of
Medicine; Faculty New York Psychoanalytic Society/Institute,
Editor, Daniel Stern: Contributions to Psychoanalysis and
Developmental Psychology "Ilene Lefcourt has written a personal and
elegantly constructed book about parenting and being parented,
about being a child and growing up - the universal
intergenerational impact of the past."- Rita Reiswig, MS,
Co-Director, The Anni Bergman Parent-Infant Program, Contemporary
Freudian Society and IPTAR Psychoanalyst for Adults, Adolescents
and Children"Parenting and Childhood Memories is bewitching!
Lovingly written narratives draw from the author’s vast experience
running an early childhood development center in New York City,
treating and caring for families with infants and young
children.These vignettes draw the reader in and enchant while at
the same time, illustrating essential concepts in psychodynamic
thinking about early parent-child relationships, formative
development, and the many challenges infants, young children and
their parents face daily. This book is written in a way that is
accessible to parents and professionals. Clinical observations are
rich and nuanced in each chapter, which like fairy-tale classics,
you will want to re-read again and again." - Daniel Schechter, MD,
Director, Perinatal and Early Childhood Ambulatory Care and
Research, Department of Psychiatry Lausanne University Hospital,
Switzerland; Adjunct Associate Professor of of Child and Adolescent
Psychiatry, New York University Grossman School of Medicine "Ilene
Lefcourt convinces the reader that her urban enclosure is a magic
and intimate place where secrets are revealed. A vast corpus of
information about development is woven in without pedantic
ceremony. The kind of observations and listening that are required
to achieve the outcomes illustrated are clear." - Theodore Shapiro,
MD, Professor of Psychiatry, Director, Infant Psychiatry Program,
Weill Cornell Medicine New York Presbyterian "Ilene Lefcourt brings
to life both the child’s and the parent’s internal worlds, and
illustrates the crucial and sometimes magical process of giving and
receiving love." - William Singletary, MD, Child and Adult
Psychiatrist and Psychoanalyst, Facullty, Psychoanalytic Center of
Philadelphia, President, Margaret Mahler Child Development
Foundation, Faculty, Psychoanalytic Center of Philadelphia"Ilene
Lefcourt’s wise, warm and erudite book is a work of love…always
informed by her deep knowledge of psychoanalytic theory… These
stories will resonate with some of your own experiences as both a
parent and a child, and you will discover universal, liberating
truths about how we revisit our pasts…" - Kerry Sulkowicz, MD,
President Elect, American Psychoanalytic Association, Clinical
Professor of Psychiatry, NYU School of Medicine"This wonderful book
is perfect for anyone who was ever a child, anyone who wants to
reenter and remember the magic of childhood experiences, stories
and emotions, and anyone who was, is or hopes to be a parent.
Understanding the impact of the past and its ghosts and narratives
through Ilene Lefcourt’s kaleidoscopic and spectral lens reveals
the triumphs and tragedies of being a human raising humans. This
compassionate and captivating condensation of 35 years of work with
parents and children by a master clinician somehow manages to
remain bewitching and transcendent in showing us who we are, who we
are becoming, and why." - Susan Vaughan, MD Director, Columbia
University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research, Author,
The Talking Cure"Parenting and Childhood Memories lends texture and
meaning to intergenerational studies of parental bonding, brain
development and epigenetics. It translates into pathways of change
when these relationships go awry. It is delightful to read and full
of surprises to scientists and parents, and those of us who are
both." - Myrna Weissman, PhD, Diane Goldman Kemper Family Professor
of Epidemiology and Psychiatry, Columbia University Vagelos College
of Physicians and Surgeons
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