Table of Contents

CONTENTS

Foreword by Keith Ferrazzi ix

Introduction 1

SECTION 1 The Problem: Why Are You Struggling to Influence People? 5

1 The Dangers of “Disconnect” 7

2 Four Traps That “Disconnect” You 18

3 The Four Steps to Connecting and Influencing 33

SECTION 2 STEP #1 Go for Great Outcomes 41

4 The First “R”: Go for a Great Result 43

5 The Second “R”: Go for a Great Reputation 52

6 The Third “R”: Go for Great Relationships 66

SECTION 3 STEP #2 Listen Past Your Blind Spot 81

7 To Discover Their There, Listen to the Music 83

8 Master Level-Four Listening 91

9 To Influence, Be Influenceable 107

SECTION 4 STEP #3 Engage Them in Their There 119

10 Use the Three Gets of Engage 121

11 Push Their Buttons— Positively 135

12 Engage Across Cultures 144

SECTION 5 STEP #4 When You’ve Done Enough . . . Do More 155

13 Do More Before, During, and After 157

14 Do More in All Three Value Channels 171

15 Ask Other People to Do More 183

SECTION 6 Taking Real Influence to the Next Level 191

16 Let Adversity Lead You to Great Outcomes 193

17 Influence by Getting Out of the Way 203

18 Influence Positively After You’ve Made Big Mistakes 210

19 Let Gratitude Magnify Your Influence 219

SECTION 7 Putting It All Together 227

20 Case Study #1—A Fuzzy Rescue 229

21 Case Study #2—Everything Matters 234

22 Case Study #3—Poised for Life 237

23 Case Study #4—Taming a Temperamental Group 241

Epilogue 245

Acknowledgments 247

Index 251

About the Authors 259

About the Author

Mark Goulston, MD, is a business advisor, consultant, coach, speaker, and psychiatrist. The author of Get Out of Your Own Way and other popular books, he blogs for Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and he is featured frequently in major media, including The Wall Street Journal, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, CNN, Fox News, and the TODAY Show.

JOHN ULLMEN, PH.D., is an acclaimed executive coach whose clients include dozens of leading international firms. He oversees MotivationRules.com, conducts popular feedback-based seminars on influence in organizations, and teaches at the UCLA Anderson School of Management.

Reviews

"[Real Influence] offers a full course banquet of fresh ideas for the price of a modest dinner." --Inland Empire Business Journal