Preface
Introduction
1. The Power of Language
2. The Curious Novice
3. Coming Out
4. Stories of Personal Growth
5. When Things Go Wrong
6. Power is Hot
7. Getting Assistance
8. Walking on the Outside
Acknowledgments
David M. Ortmann, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, sex therapist and
author in private practice. His work has been published in
journals, magazines, and anthologies of fiction and non-fiction.
His areas of clinical focus and study are the sexuality of the
BDSM, Leather and Kink communities, concepts and theories of
masculinity, and the processes of human attachment and
differentiation. He speaks locally and nationally in an effort to
promote Leather, Kink, and BDSM community visibility and improve
clinical psychotherapeutic interventions for these populations.
Ortmann is a member of The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
(NCSF), The American Association of Sexuality Educators,
Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), the Northern California
Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology (NCSPP) and is one of the
founding members of the Community-Academic Consortium for Research
on Alternative Sexualities (CARAS).
Richard Sprott, Ph.D., is a research psychologist in developmental
science and lecturer in the Department of Human Development and
Women’s Studies at California State University, East Bay. He is the
executive director of CARAS, the Community-Academic Consortium for
Research on Alternative Sexualities, a community-academic
partnership to enhance and encourage scientific investigation and
scholarly analysis of under-studied sexualities, like BDSM and
polyamory.
Every once in a while, a book comes along that shines like a star
in a vast, dark sky of words. While the subject matter — BDSM
sexualities — hardly seems like the stuff of which literary
classics are made, David Ortmann and Richard Sprott’s brave new
book, Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and
Communities, is certainly worthy of note. Conversational in style,
thick with rich descriptions of actual people, and brimming with
uncommon wisdom appropriate for a post-Millineal mindset, this is a
book to be borne proudly. (Plus it’s bound to be a great
conversation starter on the subway commute home.) . . . You don’t
have to be a sexual outsider to enjoy this book. What is required
is a nonjudgmental curiosity about human sexuality in all its
myriad forms. If you fit this criteria, then this is an excellent
read that I highly recommend.
*Out In Jersey*
Sexual Outsiders is a good step in making the helping professions
understand [kinky people and BDSM sexuality].
*The History of BDSM*
In Sexual Outsiders, authors David Ortmann and Richard Sprott
perfectly complement each other writing about research, theory, and
therapeutic practice with clients who are sexual adventurers. In an
excellent and thoughtful deconstruction of the mainstream sexual
culture, they explore the question of "how did we get here?" and,
further, "how can we get somewhere better?" They propose the
acceptance and honoring of the rich complexities of sexual
diversity as a path for escaping the imposed shame that can
constrict out lives, as they offer a wonderful guidebook to
outsider sex and understanding power as an erotic resource. Read
and learn from these warriors for sexual freedom as they show us
how to explore our precious inner wilderness.
*Dossie Easton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist; co-author
of The Ethical Slut*
David Ortmann and Richard Sprott are pioneers in developing this
roadmap for kink-affirmative psychotherapy. People in the
BDSM community, or those practicing in secrecy, will read this
book, especially the moving personal stories, and feel like
they are in a support group. Professionals
will have their minds - and knowledge base- opened and
expanded. Sexual Outsiders breaks new ground.
*Margie Nichols, Ph.D., Phd, psychologist and sex therapist;
founder and director of the Institute for Personal Growth, New
Jersey; founder and first director of the Hyacinth Foundation;
author, speaker, and activist on LGBTQ issues; contributor,
Principles and Practices of Sex Therapy and Handbook…*
As a sex therapist who specializes in sexual minority practices, I
have read virtually every book written on BDSM in the past 30
years. Sexual Outsiders is truly one of a kind. The way the authors
have woven in Richard Sprott's background in science with David
Ortmann's clinical practice made for a very compelling read. The
case studies were brilliant and kept me turning the pages in
anticipation of how each story would turn out. This book is a
wonderful contribution to our field.
*Neil Cannon, Ph.D., LMFT, Certified Sex Therapist & Couples
Counselor, Denver, Colorado*
Sexual Outsiders is a brave and lucid exploration of ways honest,
open, intimate sexuality can help to heal some emotional and
psychological wounds, and of the need for self-understanding to
make such intimacy possible.
*William A. Henkin, Ph.D., co-author: Consensual Sadomasochism: How
to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely*
Sexual Outsiders is a significant contribution helping everyone to
accept and understand their (or their loved one’s) BDSM
interests.
*Charles Moser Ph.D., Institute for Advanced Study of Human
Sexuality*
As an out-kinky person for 40 years, and as a psychotherapist, I
found Ortmann and Sprott's new book Sexual Outsiders to be a report
on being kinky from a psychological point of view. Sexual Outsiders
offers the reader an invaluable amalgamation of kink identities.
Whether the reader be a leather-newbie, a vanilla but kink-friendly
therapist, a curious friend of a kinkster, or anyone who may be in
contact with BDSM folk, Sexual Outsiders is a book you won't want
to miss. As the commodification of BDSM culture proliferates, it
will be books like Sexual Outsiders that'll prove to be a positive
catalyst toward ending social stigma, and to putting suffering back
in the dungeon where it belongs.
*Winston Wilde, DHS, LMFT, doctor of human sexuality, licensed
marriage & family therapist, certified sex therapist*
This is the book I needed 15 years ago when I started stumbling my
way through treating the KINK community. It's answered all my
questions. It should be mandatory reading for all ethical
clinicians who should know something about treating alternative
sexualities by now. The clinical community needs to STOP
re-traumatizing, marginalizing, pathologizing, and trying to "fix"
the people who come to them for help. Either they need to learn the
skills taught in this book, or refer "sexual outsiders" out to
someone educated, trained and willing to give these individuals the
treatment they need and deserve. This book is for anyone who
practices BDSM, treats patients struggling with related issues, and
for anyone interested in further understanding this lifestyle and
its community.
*Dorothy Hayden, LCSW, Manhattan Center for Sex Addiction Therapy,
Kink-Aware psychotherapist, speaker and author*
Every person who identifies as BDSM and every therapist treating
them should read this book.
*David J. Ley, Ph.D., author of The Myth of Sex Addiction and
Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them*
Sexual Outsiders serves as a gentle introduction to BDSM while
exploring the psychological needs of people who decide to explore
this powerful realm of sexuality. There are few books that so
beautifully position themselves as BDSM primers for the curious
newcomer as well as the partners, friends and family of BDSM
practitioners. This book does just that brilliantly and is destined
to become a classic of the genre.
*Race Bannon, co-founder of Kink Aware Professionals, author of
Learning The Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun BDSM Lovemaking,
and blogger (bannon.com)*
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